This week in dumb status updates

Key Cheung is PARMA domani :).

I sure hope that's not the name of a woman she ate...or an entire restaurant. You know like, she stole her soul or something.

Ambika Maheshwari just bought an ice cap to aid her in her studying. It is official, she is a university student.
No, going to university makes you an official university student. Buying coffee from Tim Hortons is what hobos do to warm themselves up when they've already pissed on themselves.

Carolina Mondonedo is Whitby has failed me.....
Whitby? Is that what she calls her utter lack of a brain and body? She's missing so many things she could perform the Wizard of Oz alone.

Minhaj Amin is Double's Ping Pong invitational this coming Tuesday. 16 Teams FINALIZED now the preparations will be made. The EVENT is now OPEN so whoever wants can JOIN!!
My guess. The only people that will be at this event will likely have the names Ping and Pong. Hell, Ying and Yang might show up. Ching has RSVP'd but no word on Chong.**Note: Only one of these people actually exists...but not really.

Greg Gdotb Barr is the world's greatest
World's greatest what? blowjob? cum-bucket? We do know he's not the world's greatest at hiding his gay check-outs. He's just itching for a taste of his barr. Furthermore, if you're gonna make your middle name on facebook your initials, at least make sure you don't sound like a medieval ogre. "Grrr, Gdotb hungry for balls. Must call OMIS meeting! or attend lame ping-pong tourny"

Worst...DJ...Ever

Schulich's resident platypus, DJ Maximus is trying go viral. No not STDs because DJ Max has virgin-proofed himself from those. No, he too has a shitty blog.

djmaximus.net
Check it out yourself if you want to see what failure looks like.**Warning: May be contagious

Prospective Club Manager:
Hmm, I'm looking to book a DJ. Oh, DJ Maximus, that sounds...compensating. Let's just take a look at this gallery an-- AHHH!

This guy sends more people running for the doors than fires. I like the bandana and glasses combo. It screams "I'm tough but I like to read fantasy novels too". He's got some pretty good mixes though. Yeah, he can mix the body of an Asian with the head of an amphibian. And what the fuck is up with his e-mail: Patrick.Ian.Maximus.Porter@hotmail.com.
Oooh, you can come up with words from P-I-M-P. First of all, that's fucking retarded. Second of all, Max Chan has never been known as or called Patrick, Ian, Maximus, or Porter ever. That's like making an e-mail: Steve.Ear.Xylophone.Yanghe@hotmail.com. Yeah man I'm Yang, I'm sexy. Speaking of which, if that's Yang then Ying must be a smoking hot asian bitch. But of course that could never happen at Schulich.

Love ya like carmen loves...to whore it up.

Mike Ng looks like...

Let's hear your thoughts on the circus that is Schulich. I want you to finish this sentence. "Mike Ng looks like..." Please include pictures if possible.

Here's some inspiration

A look at schulich's ubc election

The Schulich year is never complete without the shitshow that is the ubc elections. Some years there's no restrictions and all hell breaks loose and other years there's more restrictions which unleashes a greater gong-show than Mike Ng after a shot of coors lite. Of course we all remember Jonathan Cipolletta's spontaneous combustion in last year's elections where he was disqualified and was rumoured to have collasped (although since he's Italian I'm sure it was a flop). This year, the stupidity reaches a new apex (Apex being the typical Schulich measure of stupidity) with the infusion of dumb first years like the omis crew. A word of advice to those guys, if you're gonna have a sausage fest exclusive club, at least don't name it after your stats course. First up is Minhaj: the fresh prince of schulich.

This looks like a bad Japanese ad. Despite declaring that "there is no i in team", Minhaj insists on rounding up a truckful of Asian refugees and forcing them to point at him. There's no i in team but there's one in shitty poster. Furthermore, call me old-fashioned by I just don't think a brown man can be described as fresh. Speaking of which, before the picture was taken the group was asked to point at where that funky smell was coming from. Excuse me, I think I getting a seizure from this poster.




This would be the biggest action film in China: Mr. & Mrs. IT starring super couple Jane Lee and Mike Xin. Mike plays an unqualified nerd trying to get an IT position and Jane plays the whore by his side that leaves him after he loses. Did I mention this was a reality show? You can also catch Mike in the upcoming Ex-Men movie about guys who lose their balls when they join OMIS.

As vomit-inducing as this effort is, it is still better than anything we have seen from Anthony Cipolletta this year. This year he finally answered the age old question, how many Cipollettas does it take to design a website? The answer is 2, one to fail at it and a look-alike to be even more of a dumbass (mike fu can fucking design the website)





The 2nd annual Jonathan Cipolletta collapse is in full force.
Gee, an Obama impression, how'd you think of that one Jonathan? Here are some key differences between Cipolletta and Obama. Obama is half black and half white; Cipolletta is half a man. Obama was the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review; Cippolletta was the first black spot for Apex. Obama managed to overcome racial tensions in Southern U.S.; Cipolletta manages to be uglier than his twin brother. Obama sought to bring change to the political establishment; Cipolletta is the fucking establishment. Obama plans to unite his country; Cipolletta plans to spread Narbe's butt cheeks.

Alright, I'm outta here,
Love ya like Carmen loves all-you-can-eat sushi