Merry Christmas and a Happy Jew Year

Ever wonder what's actually going on in this obscure display pic.
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Joke #1: Looks like Dave wants it in the Junebum.
Joke #2: This is the cover for E-Man and the Masturbation of the Unibrow**.
Joke #3: Is it cold in here or are you just Asian?
Joke #4: You

**Almost as homoerotic as the original

Thank god for those stalker lists on facebook finally revealing who goes on facebook with a tissue box nearby. Who's the winner here? Daniel Balint.
Jia Z

Palka

Jamesious

oops sorry wrong link, that's for our next post about why you should stay the fuck away from Dave Kim.

Daniel, thanks for continuing on the proud Schulich tradition of creeping. Somewhere in a tranny-infested alley in Thailand, Rob McKee is smiling...rather creepily...for various reasons.

Anyone seen Leon Wu's self-portrait on his profile? For the 99% of Schulich who aren't his friend here it is:

O
/|\
/ \ My self portrait

Wow Leon! did you do that all by yourself?? If you think about it, it kinda looks like a pussy with a giant clit but I didn't know Leon was so cognizant of his own looks. That's pretty good but not as good as this:

Wanna see evidence of the declining grade admission requirements for Schulich? Before you burn your computer at the stake, I'm just affirming some well established facts 1 2. Absence of evidence does not mean evidence of absence.

That's why I'm a Scientologist :)

Saw XXX

Why the long layoff? Let's just say that I was deleuzianal.

But also to gather up material after 7 months away. You'd think that this would provide for some top-notch comedy - which evidence shows has never appeared on this site - but these past few months have been more disappointing than the Squash Players at Schulcih club.

So what's happened? The UBC lost 56% of its height and 100% of its anger with the resignation of Daniel Balint. I don't think there was any controversy behind this, that would probably happen to the Cips or something...after all, incest is frowned upon in the Western world. So who is the new VP Finance? Drum roll please..........................you're not doing it................................................Justin Liu! Justin Hu? No, Justin Liu! Well it's official UBC is no longer relevant. Might as well rename it the OMIS and Cips Show and watch the ratings plummet. Speaking of shows, here's a promo for Kelvin Ng's upcoming magic show at his own birthday party. That's the most ngnorant thing I've ever seen.

Remember this year's rage dodgeball night? Oh you had something to do that night? You lucky son of a bitch. But the night was abound with unintentional comedy featuring some guy getting blinded, more walking around than actual dodgeball playing, and the real pussies of Schulich exposing themselves as they ran away from campus security faster than Jamesious runs away from pussy...or was it dick...probably both.

Schulich has a mascot now, thousands of dollars wasted on a sex doll for Minhaj to practice on. My problem with the costume is that bulldogs stand on four legs whereas the Schulich Bulldog stands on two legs. C'mon people, we're not in fucking grade school it's time we have an anatomically correct mascot. And don't get me started on the wang size. They must have bought the mascot from Chinatown.......cuz it looks cheap!

How about the class of 2013. Cricket chirp. Cricket chirp. Every first year class always has all this momentum and they are supposed to be the most gungho and annoying year. These guys? Booooooooorrrrrring. No one overly attractive, interesting or smart. In fact, I'm confident that there are at least 80 clones of the same brown guy. He's the reason the library's always so packed! Oh wait that's Amanda Liscio.

"The killer woke before dawn"

So if you guys don't get that reference its cuz you're listening to too much T.I. and anyone who likes T.I is a poser.

Case in point:











So I started this blog with the intent of pointing out the absurdity of Schulich. It was supposed to be more Harper's with swearing but eventually turned into Maddox with less swearing.

Its funny cuz I always thought that Schulich needed a tabloid. Of course I would never read it but I could always exploit the fact that Schulichers really have no life and would read it. The problem was, I frankly could care less about that menial shit while I was asked to serve a group of readers that wanted more filth. You love hating the Cips. You love hating UBC. And most of all, you love hating other people.

Its human nature. After all, those people are successful and you're not. Why do you think we like seeing Tom Cruise go apeshit on Oprah. You want to bring them down to your level.

I am aware of my holier-than-thou tone and let me be frank, I do not feel that way. Nor am I a member of the UBC as you fuckheads have been hypothesizing. I'm just another Schulicher like you anonymouses out there that is seeing something wrong with our school.

Why is there this divide? Why do most of you know who Mike Ng is but have never hung out and talked to him? I don't have the answer but I do know there is a problem. You all probably have your own cliques that you only hang out with at Schulich, rarely venturing out of that safety zone. Every day I got to Schulich and see a douche/bitch shield around everyone. I know you've got shit to do and you're stressed cuz there's too many asians fucking up your bellcurve, but we're all going through the same shit. Sometimes, I wish we could all be first years again (except for the current first years, I wish they went to Ivey). Yeah OMIS is gay but at least they are friendly to people. They're trying to create some good in our community and that's more than all of the bloggers and anonymous commenters of this world are doing combined.

Let me end by saying I never meant anything hateful in any of my posts. Just like tabloids, I should write "for entertainment purposes only" as a disclaimer and also because I can lie and say that Praveen is an alien from outer space. You all got into Schulich for a reason so I know deep inside there that there's a brain and a heart, except Nic, I fucking hate that guy.

Forget trying to be cool and have some fun.

"Doing a blue rock
Cmon, yeah

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill"

You Know You Go To Schulich When...

This post was inspired by a shitty facebook group. Seems like a simple enough premise yet it elicits some lame responses.

- you can talk about SWOT and it has nothing to do with the police (Leon)
Oh yeah, the famous SWOT teams in the police force right Leon? Asian Fail. It's SWAT dumbass as in Special Weapons And Tactics. WTF would SWOT be? Special Weapons Or Tactics?

-you randomly chant different cheers for no apparent reason...
Who the fuck ever randomly chants cheers at Schulich. Did I miss something? Did Schulich turn into High School Musical 4? Is Rob McKee singing "I like 'em Young" in the middle of the marketplace? Only in his mind.

-"getting raped" becomes a daily routine.. of course not sexually..
Of course not, you're far too ugly.

-your weekday is more enjoyable than your weekend (Mike Qin)
Loser Alert! Loser Alert! Loser Alert! Maybe if you weren't buying knockoff scarves from p-mall you'd be having a better time.

-you have professors like walter perchal who reminds us how fucked we are as leaders of business (Rohin)
Then you should be glad you're retarded and will be working for those leaders.

-you categorize your friends into "highschool" & "schuilch" on msn, and noticing that the number of ppl online in the "highschool" group decreases while ppl in "schulich" increases exponentially (Mike Qin)
Let me work this out here. Schulich friends: 0^100,000 = 0. Yeah that makes sense Mike.

Shit Runners United

"Well, if it's got a photoshopped logo, then it must be legit!"
-- Schulich students
** Note: Man U are bigger pussies than accountants.

Finally, Schulich has been blessed with a running club. I can't believe Cip pulled this one off. How the hell did he get admin approval for this? Or the funding...you know those safety reflective tapes aren't cheap. Unless your name is Ali Badruddin, you of course are not oblivious to sarcasm. But I gotta say, I like Jonathan's political style. Suck dick, do nothing. Oh wait, did I say I liked that? I mean I tried it. Moving on...

Since everyone in Schulich (except one "special" case) can run, this is just as useful as the Schulich Eating Club. That is, a club where Schulichers eat and not a club where people eat Schulich (sorry Key). How about Loser Virgins United? Fuck, OMIS already did that.

How about an Ugly Asian Girl Association? All the white guys would definitely join!

The Cips So Weird, They...

Yes another lame "finish the sentence" post.
I was reading some user comments and thought of how the sentence "The Cips are soo weird, they..." can end with anything you can think of and it would still sound plausible.

Let me get things started off here.

The Cips are so weird, they jack each other off with their left hands because its as if they were jacking themselves off with their right hand.

Smack a Bitch

I think we all know the same three or four black women who work at Timothy's/Tuchner's (They of course, are not allowed in the Executive Dining Hall). If you do, you are sure to know the shitty fucking service the give. I try to order a sandwich an the bitch looks at me like I asked her to read a book. "Excuse me? I ain't taking no shit from no college degree, harvard ass motherfucker". At this point, I'd advise you to smack that bitch. Or at least the equivalent like saying "fuck you you fat blob (you know which one i'm talking about) why don't you roll over there and earn the $4.50 that brown guy pays you so you can buy more rolls to put on your stomach" I fucking hate them!

You're all fucking losers

Ok really, who the fuck takes the time to solve a crytogram? Yes it's a stupid message but you know what really stupid? YOU. But if you little chicklings are hungry for hate, let me regurgitate some things here.

The new UBC? Absolute shit. Check out their website which it still breaking us with strike updates.
http://www.ubc.schulich.yorku.ca/

You'll notice that nowhere on the site can you find the names and pictures and the new ubc. My guess? They're still trying to figure out who the fuck Sue Song, Sen Qin, and Xin Zhang are. They sound like Kung Fu masters but look like Kung Pao servers.

And two Cips...in two positions?! Let's not get carried away here. Where's Anthony going to get sponsorship from? Gino's Pizza? Maybe he should ask for money next time he sucks Narbe's dick. All I can say for marketing is prepare for an onslaught of cut and paste videos from Jonathan's Macbook.

Did anyone get laid at the hawaiian pub night? Judging by the people there I hope not. Here are four people who for humanity's sake, never get laid. No reason.

Oh yeah, and get a life. Read something other than stupid blogs like a textbook. Yes, I'm talking to you Kamran "suck dick for a 5.0 gpa" Jessani. That's right, I know about that.

brk ths cd

DRO BOFYVKDSYX SC CZBOKNSXQ. DRO ROKNC YP CMREVSMR GSVV PKVV KWN DRO ZBYVOC CRKVV BSCO. DRKD NKI GRVV MYWO GROX DRO ZOYZVO NOMSNO.

Stop the Cips!

If we recall the last time a democratic process elected an idiot, the Bush Administration, we know that the results could be devastating. The Cips aren't just dumb; They're Michael Scott dumb. That is, the oblivious and annoying idiot that is always around.

Let me put this frankly: Outside of maybe 4 or 5 people. The Cips don't give a fuck about you. Oh yeah, they'll talk to you cuz they're so great and all but masked behind those actions is a motive. Yes the Cips' thirst for power is one even greater than their thirst for jizz.

Not unlike George Bush, the Cips are like puppets to a group of people who primarily run Schulich. We've seen year after year, the outgoing council will have already penned in next year's council during one of their private meetings. I'd have no problem with this but penning in a total moron is like only letting chris borg go to a strip club. A total waste!

You know who I'm voting for? Abstain. The quality of the candidates is such shit that I cannot vote for them. If this is one of the best business schools in the world, why are our student representatives so weak? Let's abstain this whole thing and start again with some real candidates.

Also, i want to try something out. Every time a candidate comes and bothers you trying to campaign to you in the marketplace, tell that guy to "schulick my balls".

Win a chance to party with Duncan Yang!

You're invited to Duncan Yang's Asian Glow Jam!

Good god. That guy's face is redder than Kelvin Ng's asshole. So Duncan's a fourth year and everyone would definitely love to celebrate with him right?

Here's some posts:
"i have to go to another birthday!" (why the exclamation mark?)
"work='(" (only asians cry like that)
"i think i'm home the whole time...but thanx!" -- i like this. translation: "i'm not doing anything, but i still don't won't to go to your birthday party"
Even Azim Panju is bailing on Duncan for a finance competition at Mcgill. There's probably hotter girls there.

I predict 5 guys, 1 girl, and 1 Jamesious will show up. Actually, the fact that Apex is having their night event at the same time and place means that only 1 guy, 1 girl and 1 jamesious, which makes for some weird sexual tension all night.

If anyone has any complaints, please call the dumb fuck hotline: 416-399-6720

**Note any one who "wins" this chance to party with Duncan Yang is actually a loser and thus paradoxically sucks dick.

I give this 4 Tang throwups out of 5

This week in dumb status updates

Key Cheung is PARMA domani :).

I sure hope that's not the name of a woman she ate...or an entire restaurant. You know like, she stole her soul or something.

Ambika Maheshwari just bought an ice cap to aid her in her studying. It is official, she is a university student.
No, going to university makes you an official university student. Buying coffee from Tim Hortons is what hobos do to warm themselves up when they've already pissed on themselves.

Carolina Mondonedo is Whitby has failed me.....
Whitby? Is that what she calls her utter lack of a brain and body? She's missing so many things she could perform the Wizard of Oz alone.

Minhaj Amin is Double's Ping Pong invitational this coming Tuesday. 16 Teams FINALIZED now the preparations will be made. The EVENT is now OPEN so whoever wants can JOIN!!
My guess. The only people that will be at this event will likely have the names Ping and Pong. Hell, Ying and Yang might show up. Ching has RSVP'd but no word on Chong.**Note: Only one of these people actually exists...but not really.

Greg Gdotb Barr is the world's greatest
World's greatest what? blowjob? cum-bucket? We do know he's not the world's greatest at hiding his gay check-outs. He's just itching for a taste of his barr. Furthermore, if you're gonna make your middle name on facebook your initials, at least make sure you don't sound like a medieval ogre. "Grrr, Gdotb hungry for balls. Must call OMIS meeting! or attend lame ping-pong tourny"

Worst...DJ...Ever

Schulich's resident platypus, DJ Maximus is trying go viral. No not STDs because DJ Max has virgin-proofed himself from those. No, he too has a shitty blog.

djmaximus.net
Check it out yourself if you want to see what failure looks like.**Warning: May be contagious

Prospective Club Manager:
Hmm, I'm looking to book a DJ. Oh, DJ Maximus, that sounds...compensating. Let's just take a look at this gallery an-- AHHH!

This guy sends more people running for the doors than fires. I like the bandana and glasses combo. It screams "I'm tough but I like to read fantasy novels too". He's got some pretty good mixes though. Yeah, he can mix the body of an Asian with the head of an amphibian. And what the fuck is up with his e-mail: Patrick.Ian.Maximus.Porter@hotmail.com.
Oooh, you can come up with words from P-I-M-P. First of all, that's fucking retarded. Second of all, Max Chan has never been known as or called Patrick, Ian, Maximus, or Porter ever. That's like making an e-mail: Steve.Ear.Xylophone.Yanghe@hotmail.com. Yeah man I'm Yang, I'm sexy. Speaking of which, if that's Yang then Ying must be a smoking hot asian bitch. But of course that could never happen at Schulich.

Love ya like carmen loves...to whore it up.

Mike Ng looks like...

Let's hear your thoughts on the circus that is Schulich. I want you to finish this sentence. "Mike Ng looks like..." Please include pictures if possible.

Here's some inspiration

A look at schulich's ubc election

The Schulich year is never complete without the shitshow that is the ubc elections. Some years there's no restrictions and all hell breaks loose and other years there's more restrictions which unleashes a greater gong-show than Mike Ng after a shot of coors lite. Of course we all remember Jonathan Cipolletta's spontaneous combustion in last year's elections where he was disqualified and was rumoured to have collasped (although since he's Italian I'm sure it was a flop). This year, the stupidity reaches a new apex (Apex being the typical Schulich measure of stupidity) with the infusion of dumb first years like the omis crew. A word of advice to those guys, if you're gonna have a sausage fest exclusive club, at least don't name it after your stats course. First up is Minhaj: the fresh prince of schulich.

This looks like a bad Japanese ad. Despite declaring that "there is no i in team", Minhaj insists on rounding up a truckful of Asian refugees and forcing them to point at him. There's no i in team but there's one in shitty poster. Furthermore, call me old-fashioned by I just don't think a brown man can be described as fresh. Speaking of which, before the picture was taken the group was asked to point at where that funky smell was coming from. Excuse me, I think I getting a seizure from this poster.




This would be the biggest action film in China: Mr. & Mrs. IT starring super couple Jane Lee and Mike Xin. Mike plays an unqualified nerd trying to get an IT position and Jane plays the whore by his side that leaves him after he loses. Did I mention this was a reality show? You can also catch Mike in the upcoming Ex-Men movie about guys who lose their balls when they join OMIS.

As vomit-inducing as this effort is, it is still better than anything we have seen from Anthony Cipolletta this year. This year he finally answered the age old question, how many Cipollettas does it take to design a website? The answer is 2, one to fail at it and a look-alike to be even more of a dumbass (mike fu can fucking design the website)





The 2nd annual Jonathan Cipolletta collapse is in full force.
Gee, an Obama impression, how'd you think of that one Jonathan? Here are some key differences between Cipolletta and Obama. Obama is half black and half white; Cipolletta is half a man. Obama was the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review; Cippolletta was the first black spot for Apex. Obama managed to overcome racial tensions in Southern U.S.; Cipolletta manages to be uglier than his twin brother. Obama sought to bring change to the political establishment; Cipolletta is the fucking establishment. Obama plans to unite his country; Cipolletta plans to spread Narbe's butt cheeks.

Alright, I'm outta here,
Love ya like Carmen loves all-you-can-eat sushi