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Merry Christmas and a Happy Jew Year

Ever wonder what's actually going on in this obscure display pic.
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Joke #1: Looks like Dave wants it in the Junebum.
Joke #2: This is the cover for E-Man and the Masturbation of the Unibrow**.
Joke #3: Is it cold in here or are you just Asian?
Joke #4: You

**Almost as homoerotic as the original

Thank god for those stalker lists on facebook finally revealing who goes on facebook with a tissue box nearby. Who's the winner here? Daniel Balint.
Jia Z

Palka

Jamesious

oops sorry wrong link, that's for our next post about why you should stay the fuck away from Dave Kim.

Daniel, thanks for continuing on the proud Schulich tradition of creeping. Somewhere in a tranny-infested alley in Thailand, Rob McKee is smiling...rather creepily...for various reasons.

Anyone seen Leon Wu's self-portrait on his profile? For the 99% of Schulich who aren't his friend here it is:

O
/|\
/ \ My self portrait

Wow Leon! did you do that all by yourself?? If you think about it, it kinda looks like a pussy with a giant clit but I didn't know Leon was so cognizant of his own looks. That's pretty good but not as good as this:

Wanna see evidence of the declining grade admission requirements for Schulich? Before you burn your computer at the stake, I'm just affirming some well established facts 1 2. Absence of evidence does not mean evidence of absence.

That's why I'm a Scientologist :)

Saw XXX

Why the long layoff? Let's just say that I was deleuzianal.

But also to gather up material after 7 months away. You'd think that this would provide for some top-notch comedy - which evidence shows has never appeared on this site - but these past few months have been more disappointing than the Squash Players at Schulcih club.

So what's happened? The UBC lost 56% of its height and 100% of its anger with the resignation of Daniel Balint. I don't think there was any controversy behind this, that would probably happen to the Cips or something...after all, incest is frowned upon in the Western world. So who is the new VP Finance? Drum roll please..........................you're not doing it................................................Justin Liu! Justin Hu? No, Justin Liu! Well it's official UBC is no longer relevant. Might as well rename it the OMIS and Cips Show and watch the ratings plummet. Speaking of shows, here's a promo for Kelvin Ng's upcoming magic show at his own birthday party. That's the most ngnorant thing I've ever seen.

Remember this year's rage dodgeball night? Oh you had something to do that night? You lucky son of a bitch. But the night was abound with unintentional comedy featuring some guy getting blinded, more walking around than actual dodgeball playing, and the real pussies of Schulich exposing themselves as they ran away from campus security faster than Jamesious runs away from pussy...or was it dick...probably both.

Schulich has a mascot now, thousands of dollars wasted on a sex doll for Minhaj to practice on. My problem with the costume is that bulldogs stand on four legs whereas the Schulich Bulldog stands on two legs. C'mon people, we're not in fucking grade school it's time we have an anatomically correct mascot. And don't get me started on the wang size. They must have bought the mascot from Chinatown.......cuz it looks cheap!

How about the class of 2013. Cricket chirp. Cricket chirp. Every first year class always has all this momentum and they are supposed to be the most gungho and annoying year. These guys? Booooooooorrrrrring. No one overly attractive, interesting or smart. In fact, I'm confident that there are at least 80 clones of the same brown guy. He's the reason the library's always so packed! Oh wait that's Amanda Liscio.

"The killer woke before dawn"

So if you guys don't get that reference its cuz you're listening to too much T.I. and anyone who likes T.I is a poser.

Case in point:











So I started this blog with the intent of pointing out the absurdity of Schulich. It was supposed to be more Harper's with swearing but eventually turned into Maddox with less swearing.

Its funny cuz I always thought that Schulich needed a tabloid. Of course I would never read it but I could always exploit the fact that Schulichers really have no life and would read it. The problem was, I frankly could care less about that menial shit while I was asked to serve a group of readers that wanted more filth. You love hating the Cips. You love hating UBC. And most of all, you love hating other people.

Its human nature. After all, those people are successful and you're not. Why do you think we like seeing Tom Cruise go apeshit on Oprah. You want to bring them down to your level.

I am aware of my holier-than-thou tone and let me be frank, I do not feel that way. Nor am I a member of the UBC as you fuckheads have been hypothesizing. I'm just another Schulicher like you anonymouses out there that is seeing something wrong with our school.

Why is there this divide? Why do most of you know who Mike Ng is but have never hung out and talked to him? I don't have the answer but I do know there is a problem. You all probably have your own cliques that you only hang out with at Schulich, rarely venturing out of that safety zone. Every day I got to Schulich and see a douche/bitch shield around everyone. I know you've got shit to do and you're stressed cuz there's too many asians fucking up your bellcurve, but we're all going through the same shit. Sometimes, I wish we could all be first years again (except for the current first years, I wish they went to Ivey). Yeah OMIS is gay but at least they are friendly to people. They're trying to create some good in our community and that's more than all of the bloggers and anonymous commenters of this world are doing combined.

Let me end by saying I never meant anything hateful in any of my posts. Just like tabloids, I should write "for entertainment purposes only" as a disclaimer and also because I can lie and say that Praveen is an alien from outer space. You all got into Schulich for a reason so I know deep inside there that there's a brain and a heart, except Nic, I fucking hate that guy.

Forget trying to be cool and have some fun.

"Doing a blue rock
Cmon, yeah

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill"

You Know You Go To Schulich When...

This post was inspired by a shitty facebook group. Seems like a simple enough premise yet it elicits some lame responses.

- you can talk about SWOT and it has nothing to do with the police (Leon)
Oh yeah, the famous SWOT teams in the police force right Leon? Asian Fail. It's SWAT dumbass as in Special Weapons And Tactics. WTF would SWOT be? Special Weapons Or Tactics?

-you randomly chant different cheers for no apparent reason...
Who the fuck ever randomly chants cheers at Schulich. Did I miss something? Did Schulich turn into High School Musical 4? Is Rob McKee singing "I like 'em Young" in the middle of the marketplace? Only in his mind.

-"getting raped" becomes a daily routine.. of course not sexually..
Of course not, you're far too ugly.

-your weekday is more enjoyable than your weekend (Mike Qin)
Loser Alert! Loser Alert! Loser Alert! Maybe if you weren't buying knockoff scarves from p-mall you'd be having a better time.

-you have professors like walter perchal who reminds us how fucked we are as leaders of business (Rohin)
Then you should be glad you're retarded and will be working for those leaders.

-you categorize your friends into "highschool" & "schuilch" on msn, and noticing that the number of ppl online in the "highschool" group decreases while ppl in "schulich" increases exponentially (Mike Qin)
Let me work this out here. Schulich friends: 0^100,000 = 0. Yeah that makes sense Mike.

Shit Runners United

"Well, if it's got a photoshopped logo, then it must be legit!"
-- Schulich students
** Note: Man U are bigger pussies than accountants.

Finally, Schulich has been blessed with a running club. I can't believe Cip pulled this one off. How the hell did he get admin approval for this? Or the funding...you know those safety reflective tapes aren't cheap. Unless your name is Ali Badruddin, you of course are not oblivious to sarcasm. But I gotta say, I like Jonathan's political style. Suck dick, do nothing. Oh wait, did I say I liked that? I mean I tried it. Moving on...

Since everyone in Schulich (except one "special" case) can run, this is just as useful as the Schulich Eating Club. That is, a club where Schulichers eat and not a club where people eat Schulich (sorry Key). How about Loser Virgins United? Fuck, OMIS already did that.

How about an Ugly Asian Girl Association? All the white guys would definitely join!

The Cips So Weird, They...

Yes another lame "finish the sentence" post.
I was reading some user comments and thought of how the sentence "The Cips are soo weird, they..." can end with anything you can think of and it would still sound plausible.

Let me get things started off here.

The Cips are so weird, they jack each other off with their left hands because its as if they were jacking themselves off with their right hand.