Saw XXX

Why the long layoff? Let's just say that I was deleuzianal.

But also to gather up material after 7 months away. You'd think that this would provide for some top-notch comedy - which evidence shows has never appeared on this site - but these past few months have been more disappointing than the Squash Players at Schulcih club.

So what's happened? The UBC lost 56% of its height and 100% of its anger with the resignation of Daniel Balint. I don't think there was any controversy behind this, that would probably happen to the Cips or something...after all, incest is frowned upon in the Western world. So who is the new VP Finance? Drum roll please..........................you're not doing it................................................Justin Liu! Justin Hu? No, Justin Liu! Well it's official UBC is no longer relevant. Might as well rename it the OMIS and Cips Show and watch the ratings plummet. Speaking of shows, here's a promo for Kelvin Ng's upcoming magic show at his own birthday party. That's the most ngnorant thing I've ever seen.

Remember this year's rage dodgeball night? Oh you had something to do that night? You lucky son of a bitch. But the night was abound with unintentional comedy featuring some guy getting blinded, more walking around than actual dodgeball playing, and the real pussies of Schulich exposing themselves as they ran away from campus security faster than Jamesious runs away from pussy...or was it dick...probably both.

Schulich has a mascot now, thousands of dollars wasted on a sex doll for Minhaj to practice on. My problem with the costume is that bulldogs stand on four legs whereas the Schulich Bulldog stands on two legs. C'mon people, we're not in fucking grade school it's time we have an anatomically correct mascot. And don't get me started on the wang size. They must have bought the mascot from Chinatown.......cuz it looks cheap!

How about the class of 2013. Cricket chirp. Cricket chirp. Every first year class always has all this momentum and they are supposed to be the most gungho and annoying year. These guys? Booooooooorrrrrring. No one overly attractive, interesting or smart. In fact, I'm confident that there are at least 80 clones of the same brown guy. He's the reason the library's always so packed! Oh wait that's Amanda Liscio.

"The killer woke before dawn"

So if you guys don't get that reference its cuz you're listening to too much T.I. and anyone who likes T.I is a poser.

Case in point:











So I started this blog with the intent of pointing out the absurdity of Schulich. It was supposed to be more Harper's with swearing but eventually turned into Maddox with less swearing.

Its funny cuz I always thought that Schulich needed a tabloid. Of course I would never read it but I could always exploit the fact that Schulichers really have no life and would read it. The problem was, I frankly could care less about that menial shit while I was asked to serve a group of readers that wanted more filth. You love hating the Cips. You love hating UBC. And most of all, you love hating other people.

Its human nature. After all, those people are successful and you're not. Why do you think we like seeing Tom Cruise go apeshit on Oprah. You want to bring them down to your level.

I am aware of my holier-than-thou tone and let me be frank, I do not feel that way. Nor am I a member of the UBC as you fuckheads have been hypothesizing. I'm just another Schulicher like you anonymouses out there that is seeing something wrong with our school.

Why is there this divide? Why do most of you know who Mike Ng is but have never hung out and talked to him? I don't have the answer but I do know there is a problem. You all probably have your own cliques that you only hang out with at Schulich, rarely venturing out of that safety zone. Every day I got to Schulich and see a douche/bitch shield around everyone. I know you've got shit to do and you're stressed cuz there's too many asians fucking up your bellcurve, but we're all going through the same shit. Sometimes, I wish we could all be first years again (except for the current first years, I wish they went to Ivey). Yeah OMIS is gay but at least they are friendly to people. They're trying to create some good in our community and that's more than all of the bloggers and anonymous commenters of this world are doing combined.

Let me end by saying I never meant anything hateful in any of my posts. Just like tabloids, I should write "for entertainment purposes only" as a disclaimer and also because I can lie and say that Praveen is an alien from outer space. You all got into Schulich for a reason so I know deep inside there that there's a brain and a heart, except Nic, I fucking hate that guy.

Forget trying to be cool and have some fun.

"Doing a blue rock
Cmon, yeah

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill"

This week in dumb status updates

Key Cheung is PARMA domani :).

I sure hope that's not the name of a woman she ate...or an entire restaurant. You know like, she stole her soul or something.

Ambika Maheshwari just bought an ice cap to aid her in her studying. It is official, she is a university student.
No, going to university makes you an official university student. Buying coffee from Tim Hortons is what hobos do to warm themselves up when they've already pissed on themselves.

Carolina Mondonedo is Whitby has failed me.....
Whitby? Is that what she calls her utter lack of a brain and body? She's missing so many things she could perform the Wizard of Oz alone.

Minhaj Amin is Double's Ping Pong invitational this coming Tuesday. 16 Teams FINALIZED now the preparations will be made. The EVENT is now OPEN so whoever wants can JOIN!!
My guess. The only people that will be at this event will likely have the names Ping and Pong. Hell, Ying and Yang might show up. Ching has RSVP'd but no word on Chong.**Note: Only one of these people actually exists...but not really.

Greg Gdotb Barr is the world's greatest
World's greatest what? blowjob? cum-bucket? We do know he's not the world's greatest at hiding his gay check-outs. He's just itching for a taste of his barr. Furthermore, if you're gonna make your middle name on facebook your initials, at least make sure you don't sound like a medieval ogre. "Grrr, Gdotb hungry for balls. Must call OMIS meeting! or attend lame ping-pong tourny"

A look at schulich's ubc election

The Schulich year is never complete without the shitshow that is the ubc elections. Some years there's no restrictions and all hell breaks loose and other years there's more restrictions which unleashes a greater gong-show than Mike Ng after a shot of coors lite. Of course we all remember Jonathan Cipolletta's spontaneous combustion in last year's elections where he was disqualified and was rumoured to have collasped (although since he's Italian I'm sure it was a flop). This year, the stupidity reaches a new apex (Apex being the typical Schulich measure of stupidity) with the infusion of dumb first years like the omis crew. A word of advice to those guys, if you're gonna have a sausage fest exclusive club, at least don't name it after your stats course. First up is Minhaj: the fresh prince of schulich.

This looks like a bad Japanese ad. Despite declaring that "there is no i in team", Minhaj insists on rounding up a truckful of Asian refugees and forcing them to point at him. There's no i in team but there's one in shitty poster. Furthermore, call me old-fashioned by I just don't think a brown man can be described as fresh. Speaking of which, before the picture was taken the group was asked to point at where that funky smell was coming from. Excuse me, I think I getting a seizure from this poster.




This would be the biggest action film in China: Mr. & Mrs. IT starring super couple Jane Lee and Mike Xin. Mike plays an unqualified nerd trying to get an IT position and Jane plays the whore by his side that leaves him after he loses. Did I mention this was a reality show? You can also catch Mike in the upcoming Ex-Men movie about guys who lose their balls when they join OMIS.

As vomit-inducing as this effort is, it is still better than anything we have seen from Anthony Cipolletta this year. This year he finally answered the age old question, how many Cipollettas does it take to design a website? The answer is 2, one to fail at it and a look-alike to be even more of a dumbass (mike fu can fucking design the website)





The 2nd annual Jonathan Cipolletta collapse is in full force.
Gee, an Obama impression, how'd you think of that one Jonathan? Here are some key differences between Cipolletta and Obama. Obama is half black and half white; Cipolletta is half a man. Obama was the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review; Cippolletta was the first black spot for Apex. Obama managed to overcome racial tensions in Southern U.S.; Cipolletta manages to be uglier than his twin brother. Obama sought to bring change to the political establishment; Cipolletta is the fucking establishment. Obama plans to unite his country; Cipolletta plans to spread Narbe's butt cheeks.

Alright, I'm outta here,
Love ya like Carmen loves all-you-can-eat sushi